Disappointment may not be the best one word explanation word that fits my marriage life right now because I did it with 100% sanity when I decided to get engaged to the man whom I just get to knew in 2 months and when I decided to speed up my wedding from October to June due to the drama inside my growing up house. If my dad is still here, it won't be like this. But he's not here, that's why, it is the way it is right now. I miss you Babeh, more than anything - and every road that I have to walk right now, won't ever be the same, if you were, still here, my guardian angel, the man who'll become a wall to every storm that might hits me - he's not here anymore, that's why my life become the way it is - crawling in the middle of the storm with no one here with me - and still I have to become a hero for my gifted son, how can I make it Beh? I didn't grow up to become this strong, but, I have to.
Everything started when my brother needs a tons of money to cover his debt that I still don't understand why the instalment was bloomed till he has to sell one of my father's legacy : our mini house rental business. Even it was sold very cheap because he was in a state of dire needs of money. Why the hell I didn't understand the fact that every house has it's own drama. My case may not be the hardest but also not the easiest. Back then, my mom was worried about me : my safety and my reproduction health condition due to Endometriosis or maybe she was tired, carrying me, so she wanted to let me go as soon as possible, because carrying 2 boys with their immaturity is way to hard for a mom who's fighting a battle between wanting them to have a perfect life and walking as a lonely mom of 4 with no one beside her.
I always think how my mom threated the 4 of us differently. Specially me. She believes the fact that when a son is his mom's responsibility till her death. So, she's responsible for their wives happiness in their married life with their immature husband = so she has to take every pain that they have to pay, she carried the pain, so they get an easier life to carry, even when they're not even grateful for what they have now. For an example, my sister in law, how she spends everyday not thinking anything but her sons, she wants to give the best for them, she has the money, from where? from my mom. My mom doesn't have money for my sister to pay for her university, how everything is so unfair? yes still my sister in low spend her everyday life with that "unhappy" face. How can she put that face everyday, while she gets money for doing nothing, she doesn't have to pay for the food she and her son eat, my mom pay for everything they spend, meanwhile, I have to work from morning to night to get money.
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